You've asked. I've got a week off from work. It's raining today, so Here you go....
2019 Inspection Circumspection
The past year's State Inspection process proved challenging, frustrating & a bit more shocking than ever before. It had me flashing back to repetitive actions similar to Ground Hog's Day (the movie) & my former Project Mgmt days regarding the dynamic mental chess match involving milestones, precedents, delays, substitutions, black swans...headaches. I've also become aware that Big Brother has finally gained the upper hand over the fun-loving, capricious driver via the new generation of Orwellian buzz-killing high-tech gizmos.
Cinco de Mayo represents several things, but to me it represents the Day whereby it should be ok to safely take my classic car or motorcycle out of storage & onto the road in the Northeast US. April showers have not only brought May flowers, but they have washed winter's road salt, gristle & gravel from the roadways. Any winter project work conducted on the 500E has a projected end date (drop dead date) of May 5. State Inspection comes a tad later in summer, providing a buffer of time in between to prove out and/or correct/adjust the work done before the prior year's inspection sticker lapses & it affects the ability to legally drive the car on the road.
I have a good & long relationship with my car inspector. He is a 2nd generation independent auto mechanic. My father & his father were peers; well-respected within their profession. He's also one of the very few people I let touch my car mechanically. He is thorough & safety conscious. He does things by the book. I have great respect for him. He is also starting to get forgetful. He realizes this, is concerned, & tells me so. I guess its the cumulative affect of years immersed amongst chemicals, aerosolation & blow torch ozone.
My key 2019 off-season projects were a complete brake & right rear inner axle dust boot replacement. Both were absolutely necessary. Neither driving nor inspection could take place without their successful completion. There was an initial period of time spent amassing the required parts before starting with the brakes. Then start time got pushed out because I decided to use-up my left over silver brake caliper paint to bling-up the new rotor hats. Three of the four corners were then completed rather quickly. Right rear brake renewal would take place after replacing the right rear axle inner dust boot (which required axle half shaft removal).
Loathe to entice shaft removal from the hub by striking a sledge against the threaded end shaft, I spent some time digging thru the crate of pusher/pullers I inherited from my father. Of all the multitudinous pusher/puller configurations I have...I didn't have one suitable for a W124 hub. I rarely borrow tools because I rarely lend them...and only to those of the highest trust, standards & competence. With trepidation, I borrowed a usable pusher from my indie inspector. My car is always garaged. There was no rust to contend with. All the prerequisite cleaning & lubing had taken place. Removal should be a piece of cake now. My internal alarm started sounding when the anticipated "POP!" of the shaft releasing from the hub did not come. I halted operations for the day when I believed I was seeing the turn screw flexing. "I'll be a huge a-hole if I break this tool"! I told my friend I buy it if I break it, but the whole idea is NOT to break it. I backed the screw off a quarter turn & hoped the still-substantial pressure would pop the shaft loose over night. It didn't. Nor the next night. Now what?
Well, there's a whole other story dedicated to my shaft removal debacle (which I'll do in the future), but the bottom line is that after a frustrating delay the task was completed safely & successfully. This prerequisite "milestone" precipitated the now long-overdue completion of the brake job & overall project. During this additional time spent dicking around with it all while working fulltime + overtime...my inspection expired...by several
months.
My indie inspector's shop is a half mile from my garage. I returned the borrowed tool after removing the shaft. He said he'd expedite the 500E inspection when I was done with the overall project. The day finally came & it was a beautiful summer day. I wanted to test the results of my work. The urge to drive the 500E to make an inspection appointment (instead of phoning) was overwhelming. So I did. He wasn't there. He's the kind of guy that annually flies his small plane out West, then drives his motorcycle back or visa versa. He did. He was gone on vacation. Had I called, I would have heard his message. Another delay.
He finally returned home. This time I called first & made the appointment. I waited half a week because of his shop backlog. The day came & it was another beautiful
later summer day. I pulled into the inspection bay & after our prerequisite preliminary congenialities he setup for the inspection. Then he stopped & said the car won't pass inspection because of the window tint. Now my inspection was further delayed &
dependent on window tint removal. He started muttering about memory loss fears again & apologized because he thought he informed me about this last time I visited. Back home I went...well, sort of.
I fully intended to go straight home, but the day was soooooo nice. I began hearing the Sirens call. Realizing that I had less than a quarter tank of gas, I decided to
ghost-ride across town to fill up at my favorite ethanol-free filling station while bedding down my new brakes. It would be innocent enough. Who's going to pay attention to a sedately driven W124 Mercedes on a sunny late summer day? I felt like a million bucks cruising thru town up the Parkway. I pulled away from the last red light leaving town. Less than a mile to the filling station, including a long 55mph stretch over a long bridge crossing the river. Then definitely straight home afterwards. I was driving in the right hand lane. Something in my side view mirror caught my eye at about a quarter mile. Oh sh*t! A very dark gray & ominous-looking State Police interceptor with all those space age stealth boxes affixed to its body. Looks like Darth Vader's space roadster. Where the Hell did He come from? Ok, stay calm & don't draw attention. He was in the left lane with several layers of blockers between us. Since I was in pole position, this gave me the opportunity to put some distance between us in hopes of ditching him at the traffic signalled exit after the bridge. I'll then pull some discreetly evasive maneuvers & disappear by the time he gets thru those blockers to the exit.
Heart beating. Firm grip on the wheel. One eye on the mirror. I'm almost to the exit. I think I'm gonna make it! Green light at the exit. I'm gonna make it!
Damn those blockers.
There's a psychological reason to the appearance of these interceptors. Intimidation. One by one the blockers quickly cowed out of the interceptor's way. Sh*t! He's gonna get me. He crossed two lanes to get to the exit.
He's got me. He & his techno boxes got me.
A prerequisite for pre-inspection ghost riding is a valid inspection appointment card & a well rehearsed apology. With his lights atwitter, I pulled into a grocery store parking lot across the street from the filling station. I rolled my
darkly tinted front windows down. I pulled my license & appointment card from my wallet, then realized that along with the expired inspection sticker I hadn't replaced the expired registration sticker on my windshield. Doh! Where's the registration envelope? I know its here somewhere. I put it in the car a month or so ago. I was waiting for a nice day to make the exchange. Ooh! There it is. Here he comes walking over to my window. Be cool. Take a deep breath. Breathe...
Right about the time the officer started talking to me, a small white 2-door crap box driven by an aging hippie couple sauntered up alongside & tried to gain the officer's attention. The officer was focusing on me, but I could see his aggravation mounting as the old Woodstock relic's inquiry persisted.
Finally the officer turned & snapped out, "Words of advice, sir...NEVER interrupt a Trooper while He is conducting an enforcement action"! The hippie further apologized, but persisted on informing the officer of a possible domestic situation currently taking place across the street in a pharmacy parking lot adjacent to the filling station.
As I handed all of my documents to the Trooper, I commiseratingly said, "When it rains it pours, huh? That situation sure sounds more important than this one". He was less than moved. I quickly proved I was licensed, registered & insured. I told him I was on my way home from the inspector & just wanted to get some gas. He returned my documents & told me to immediately put the car away until it got inspected. He was too multi-tasked to further scrutinize me over the window tint or anything else & quickly left to investigate the domestic.
I breathed another deep breath of relief & as a matter of principle, calmly drove over to the gas station to fill up. Hmm, 90 octane. Used to be 93. I then did immediately drive home. As I left the filling station I saw the Trooper doing his duty over in the pharmacy parking lot. By "immediately", I took the local Autobahn home at Interstate speed to avoid a possible encore of driving back thru town again. My ghost-riding days are officially over. The traffic safety technology & supporting IT is too advanced & integrated now. The car remained in the garage until it could
finally be inspected...along with ALL documents & stickers up to date & in there proper place.
My new 2020 inspection sticker expires at the end of November.