That would just make it worse.
You guys forgot that Uncle Gerry turned me on to that "Urban Dictionary".
Honestly, I'd rather you guys insult my Mother than insult Benzer 3. For those who don't remember, or never knew, Benzer 3 was a beautiful, near pristine car when I got him, lacking only in one thing, nice headlight surrounds (or whatever they are called) to be considered perfect. It's not his fault that some nimrod t-boned him, causing over $6,000 in damage, while he was parked in front of our house. As much as I love that car, it would have been sheer stupidity to drop the $5,400 I got from the insurance settlement into fixing B3 at a time when the economy was sinking so fast that that kind of money would've bought me a decent 500E! (This was about the time that Justin scored his 500E for about $5,500!) Most folks would have just let the junkman haul this car off. I at least patched B3 back together as best I could (I'm an engine man, not a body man) and gave B3 a second chance at life as an ass kicking Hellion that also can and still does serve as a daily driver.
I stand by what I said, that B3 would kick the butts of about half of the 500E/E500s in existence. The only other one ever to show up at a track day was Kyle's 500E, on a day that I unfortunately didn't get to race cause the track reached it's 500 car quota and wouldn't sell any more racing passes. (The only time I've ever been locked out! Justin called and told me he was the LAST ONE to get in!) Kyle ran a best of 14.7 that day, in conditions where I run consistent 14.5s! It's really too bad we didn't get to line them up!
Honestly, I could care less how pretty a car is. In fact, I'm better off with a car that isn't pretty because any and every time I DO have a car that's pretty, some goofball nearly always Fs it up. B3 is like an "Iron Eagle" now, already "pre-disastered", I don't have to worry about some goofball Fing him up! That only happens to nice cars! I also can park anywhere I like, no worries about "parking lot dings" here. Hell, when it's hot, I can and do leave the windows all the way down when we park B3 so he'll stay cool inside, no worries about somebody stealing him or his contents (which we locate to the trunk anyways and set the alarm). It's quite liberating really, not having to worry about some "Queen". You guys should try driving a "Beater" sometime.
Plus, to me, it's way more gratifying to spank somebody who is piloting a nice, purdy car with a car that looks like a turd. It's more embarrassing to the victim that way! It's even better if he has his woman with him! ("Gee, you couldn't even beat that turd!)
So tell me, please, which one of these descriptions are you implying applies to our beloved Benzer 3?
1. hoopty 651 up, 42 down
Basically, a piece of shit car. Usually cheap and/or broken down. Can be any size, make or model, but must (or should) be embarrassing to drive for some reason, such as when you bump the stereo all the plastic "effects" you have hot-glued to the exterior rattle, instantly betraying the cheapness of your bling.
A hoopty can be anything from a '78 Cadillac Brogham with the panels missing in front of the brake lights (but replaced on only one side with duct tape), to a fine purple two-year old Hyundai Elantra with three spinner hubcaps and a vanity plate that reads BBY GRL.
The term has also been used in certain circles as an insult to one's boy or girlfriend, as in scrub or hoochie mama.
1. Can you believe he be gettin' all mad whenever somebody lean up against his old stupid hoopty.
2. I can see now you ain't nothin' but a hoopty.
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by Cello Mar 11, 2005 share this
hoopty images
The Crawler - My Ride
Pix_leftarrow 1 of 1 Pix_rightarrow
2. hoopty 238 up, 45 down
In reference to cars: a vehicle in poor condition, often large, boatlike, and aided by duct tape or bungee cords. Comes in two flavors, White Trash and Black Ghetto. See also: hoopty mobile.
Oh my god, check out the chick in that hoopty!
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by anonymous Feb 17, 2003 share this
3. hoopty 253 up, 115 down
An enormous boat of a vehicle usually sported by ghetto queens or hick adolescents. Almost always appears in lime or puke green, although bondo is my favorite look. The lack of power steering makes this dinosaur turn like a son of a gun! When seen in ghetto queen fashion, add 8-12 kids piled in every square foot of this gentle giant.
Known for incredibly loud mufflers... if any.
" Is big momma back from da' store with my hoopty?"
"Nice hoopty... Josh"
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by Saysitlikeitis Mar 18, 2004 share this
4. hoopty 113 up, 31 down
A hoopty is beat-up, piece of shit car with a rusted-out body, a bad transmission, and an engine that only runs on sunny days!
Can I borrow $2? I gotta put gas in my hoopty!
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by Pissed Off Paul Oct 8, 2003 share this
5. hoopty 97 up, 32 down
An automobile which is most likely older than it's owner, but not old enough to be an eye-catching classic. Sporting a very dull paint job and Psoriasis-like rust spots, do-it-yourself tints with more bubbles than a freshly opened champaign bottle, a fully installed racing drivers seat (with the other seats left stock and most likely broken/torn), 5" plastic (or for more well-off hoopty drivers, aluminium) rims bought at a local Wal-Mart, and a rice-class muffler which belches out a large jet ski like sound, possibly so that the driver can attract the attention of blind chicks who otherwise can't be disguised by the hideousness of this vehicle.
*Hoopty comes fart canning alongside to a chick walking with a blind tapping cane*
Driver: "Hey baby, need a ride?"
Chick: "What kind of car you got?"
Driver: "It's a Ford GT"
Chick: "Really!?"
Chick's friend: "He's lying. It's a 1986 Honda CRX. Let's take the bus instead"
by The Sub Oct 27, 2004
6. Hoopty 86 up, 34 down
A busted-ass gas-guzzling automobile. A big, old, rusty motherfucker that resembles a loud rusty 4-wheeled version of the fuckin "Love Boat" coming around a corner. Usually occupied by a bunch of wannabe gangsta's.
Busta #1: I'll sell you my hoopty for 5 dollars.
Busta #2: $5 for that bucket?!
by O.G. WILLAKER Feb 9, 2005
7. hoopty 81 up, 29 down
cheap, beat up car - originated with a dude named hoopty in dc who ran a used car lot. lots of young dudes there got their first car (cheap and beat up) from hoopty
It's been over a week!
Maybe that's why we can't get anymore of them to show up at our racing days....... they don't want to be embarrassed by a "four-point-two! 
Believe me, I know how quick the 420 is, and if you dropped some 2.82's in there you'd shave off about 3 tenths or so (maybe more)... IF you could get it to hook up (i.e., 2.82 with LSD). I know, I know, you don't wanna do that, but c'mon, wouldn't you love to have the first 4.2L in the 13's, normally aspirated? *elbow elbow* I seriously think your car could run 13.9's... uncorrected... with 2.82 LSD and sticky/lightweight tires. A slight tailwind might be required, and you'd need the trunk empty, fuel on reserve, etc, but hey - that'd be COOL. Leave your other 420 stock with 2.24's for around-town fuel economy. 
I should have put quotations around hoopty. 
